3 of the many lessons from the movie 500 days of Summer

To date, this movie still holds my heart as the best romantic-comedy movie of all time. The sausage does not even know why he refers to this movie as a dissertation of Love. I have come to pattern some of my beliefs about love and relationship from this movie.

Well, this movie exhibits different realistic lessons about love, some are shallow and trivial but in a subliminal manner if deciphered, it's a gold mine of deep love and life lessons that would probably wake your eyes open for the rest of your searching years for love.


There are many lessons from this movie but I picked those I only love discussing.

Well, arseholes, shall we start plucking the lessons out?


1.) Honesty is pivotal in every relationship.

Yeah, right. I have heard of that a couple of times. But how well do you digest this idea in a relationship? Being in a relationship, individuals should be able to express their real beings, their thoughts no matter how flawed they may be, their crooked philosophical beliefs that are breakfasts for lambasters and the careless fart from that constipated intestine that wakes everyone's being in the morning when it says hello to the olfactory gland (well, okay, I'm kidding on that gross example). Relationships should invite you to reveal the real you, the vulnerable you, the unlovable part of you which will later determine if the relationship and your significant other are the right one you're in/with depending on the way you're handled with. That is its essence, being loved despite the flaws.
And if you ask why do I always equate revealing one's real self with flaws, well my friend, our demons always come out the latest when all the coatings have been veneered.


2.) Love is a tug of war between destiny and choice


Love is a tug of war between destiny and choice, both of them stand an equal chance of winning, but it's what you choose between the two that prevails. In the movie, Summer had always shared how she never believed in marriages and relationships. Tom thought that he could be the one who could change Summer's belief and end up marrying him, but what turned out to be a disbelief in marriage was a girl who fell in love with someone she just met at the cafeteria and decided to marry him.

Summer Finn met this guy and got married to him. He told Tom that it was destiny, that if she came there 10 minutes late, she would have done differently and have landed in a different place instead. Tom thought it was an utter bullshit, that Summer was toying with his feelings by playing with her crooked beliefs.

As for me, I have always imagined destiny as a red, silk string tied on our wrists. This string passes through solid objects, it is limitless and can extend up to an unimaginable length, it cannot be withered nor can never be cut. This has been always attached to us and is not conspicuous to our eyes. Its other end is attached somewhere, to someone who we will someday meet when the right time happens at the right place. This string slowly shortens its length as time ages us that we don't notice it slowly pulling us to situations that will lead us to the one!!! When you meet that person, you will feel an instant connection with him/her, something natural, like you have the feeling that you are where you are supposed to be. You fall in love and that's destiny.

But destiny is deceitful, you'll never know who the right person is for you, for you may always feel a very special feeling, an unexplainable feeling for someone that you may mistake as a phenomenon of meeting destiny or meeting the destined one for you. Some could not wait for that right person who's destined for them, some make their choice to choose a certain person their invisible red strings are not attached to.

You may think that it's sad, but it isn't actually. As I said, choice also stands an equal chance of winning, it's up to you if  you will choose the power of choosing. When we choose someone else, that's the time that we tie an invisible red string to them, a string that has the same magic with the one tied on you and your destined one. The red string also grants the person you choose and your relationship with him/her the power to last forever. It's just that your string with the other person, the destined one for you, will never be severed, it will be with you forever.

Despite being with the person of your choice, since another string of you is attached to someone else destined for you, your paths together will still cross someday and you might feel discombobulated with the situation and your feelings because the nearer your proximity gets, the stronger the natural feelings you have for each other become, even if you just met each other or you've only seen each other once.

There will always be a magical feeling between the two of you that you will never be able to explain, a reason why even if you're with someone else of your choice, you will still feel something for someone, like something natural missing.

Bridging it to the movie, Summer settles for destiny instead of owning her choice to pick someone else crazy about her who has taken 500 days to get over her.

Well, how can I say that Summer does what destiny asks her to do? Tom in the end meets someone else better than Summer, the name of the girl chronologically follows the name of the season...She's "Autumn." How odd the chances are, right? Indubitably destiny's work. :)



3.) Do not fall in love with the idea of being in love

Some people are not actually in love, some are just in love with the idea of being in love. there is an actual difference between the two.

Some people have so much experience and love to give and have undergone painful relationships in the past that have aided them in crafting what an ideal relationship should look like for them. Since they are looking for someone to give these things to, they project these ideas to someone or to a relationship they are in to so that they can actually convince themselves that they are in love and they can justify they have the right to feel in love for they have not felt that feeling for  long time of singularity.

Tom, has developed a mildly delusional obsession about Summer. He has these ideas in his head about an ideal partner that he projected to Summer. He actually was in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person.

Confession

I have a confession to make. The first time I saw you, I liked you, I liked you very much.

Remember when we both sat at the back of the tent after our stint on the stage? We chatted a bit of basic information about each other, and I memorized by heart every word you answered.

But from then, I pretended to forget those things I asked you. Hoping that one day, you'll help me remember those things again.

After our company's big night, my team and I went to a costy resto somewhere south and availed a drink and nachos to happily conclude the week. I saw you, you were there too, but then again, I pretended to not know that you were there, too...

I hated it that I concluded that first meet up with a “coward-me-to-approach-you attitude.” I thought to myself “Hey, there could’ve been a lot of different alternative conclusions to that.”

I thought I was never and will never be your type.

Then came those days that I secretly stalked your social media site (uhuh. Since this is an admission, I now admit stalking you quite a few times). Haha. I have secret hopes of seeing you whenever I go to the office.

And when those occasional hopes do happen, I become a scaredy-cat again and like a tiny soldier, several times, I retreat whenever I shoot a glance at you.

I don’t know if you noticed it, but if you did, I apologize for making you feel like you caught some airborne Chlamydia (haha I kid!) while I always avert the presence of you. It’s my natural response to someone I like so much, I shun away like a kid to the candy I secretly want to have.

Then another chance of seeing each other again.. Well, umm, I still thought you got Chlamydia that time. Haha.  No, seriously, I can’t stand being less than a Kilometer radius near you for too long. I fold down like a child, all the lines I’ve rehearsed all these times you weren’t around suddenly escape my breath as you come near me with your smiling eyes.

I did enjoy stealing secret stares at you while your head's direction was away from me, did enjoy those pretentious unintentional bumping into you, throwing few smiles at you every now and then and that’s how I guess we’ll all stay like for now.

That time, I really wanted to stay late every night to finally get my chance to talk exclusively to you, to know you, to know your words, your music, you life, your culture, and your love.. But I know, aside from being a scaredy-cat that I was to you, I have to pause this intention of mine for a bit to wait for the right time to do it.

Time and place are not our friends right now, if we pursue it now, we may face tough situations that we may regret looking past on. We may lose each other and the chance to know each other better in the future.

Do not think I never liked you, for I have always been your silent fan, behind the crowd, cheering for you, checking you out, smiling at your baby steps and progresses.

But until that time, I will be a spectator to you, patiently waiting....

An open letter to my friend "J.E."

Photo Credit to: http://allofus.care/help-a-friend/

My friend, as I am writing this, I am inhaling all the rays of memories we've had together, every bit of it, so I can put up the best words of advice I can ever dole out to you.

Dear J.E.,

Hello! You may have heard a lot of sermon and advice from me, but as I always say to you, I am not that eloquent of a speaker than I am in writing.

So I am taking this opportunity to fire them sermons up to you. HAHA I kid!

Anyway, I wrote this because I saw something in you when we were hanging out at Cubao Expo sometime in December 2015.   Something very pristine and very kind-----I saw your kind but suffering heart. Just took me a while before I put it into writing

My friend, I've witnessed how you've lived a well-off life back in college when we were just strangers to each other and how generous you have been (even up to now) to your friends. You are one of my examples of a selfless friend who gives more than what he has left in store for him.

Then came the biggest rock in your family's life. One unforgettable strong typhoon hit our country and left the whole nation devastated, it claimed many lives, fortunes, livelihood and business, and that included of your family's business.

From then, I've seen how you stepped up from that tripping moment of your life. I've seen a brave, young and kind man yearning to claim back the life his family worked hard for.

You best describe what a "Kuya" in a family should be like and how should act like.

You took multiple jobs, from being a talent scout, to being a call center agent. Almost all the fortune you earned, you selflessly give to your family for you couldn't stand seeing them rub their tummies at the midst of hunger.

And then there are those occasional bonuses you earned, in which you selflessly spend to us, to your friends and even to those who pretend to be like one to you.

Monetary, material, etc., I cannot even count and thank you enough for being such an appreciative  and generous friend to us.

Sometimes it pinches my reverie a bit and think that maybe we  too, are to blame for your current relationship status. I can't help but think that maybe we have played a big role in your lack of interest and passion in embracing romantic relationships, maybe we've sucked out all your resources, time and energy that there is nothing left anymore for you to offer  that special person you'll come across with someday...

Maybe, we have been very rude, insensitive and too comfortable when teasing you, that we forget you too, are losing your own self-confidence and self-esteem. That maybe these two things slowly leave you which makes it hard for you to appreciate what you have and what you can offer the people you interact with and that one person you like very much now (HMMM... I-NAME DROP KO NA BA DITO? HAHA).

We would like to apologize for forgetting that we might have become egocentric all the time and thought that our friendship only revolved around us: to what we want and not want, to what we think and feel and even to what we want to hear and see.

We apologize for hurting your feelings and making you feel devalued.

For one minute, please do not ever think that you are not precious and important to us.

We are very sorry..

My friend, seeing you suffer from the dilemma of the adults make my heart melt, especially that I see you deliberately make mistakes when in the beginning, you consciously know that it will trip your toe and will leave you stumbled.

First and foremost, you are a smart ass. An ass that possesses different gifts of intelligence. You have a very wise prerogative that I rarely see in people. You do not just possess an academic mind, but a street smart type of intelligence that will take you so far.  Please use them wisely.

Another thing is, please, pretend to know the difference between Bolivia and Bosnia. Force yourself to deliberately stop showering your friends with dinner treats, movie treats, spa treats and even doling out of monetary stuffs. I know that this is your happiness, a happiness by giving, but please start saving! We too have work, we also earn as much money as you do, sometimes even higher than yours, so please, stop showering us with these things and start giving them to yourself or just deposit them in your retirement account. WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS, we are not your inanaak!

You do not need to shower us with these things to validate your worth to us. We love you and you are important to us, even without these things.

As your friends, it pains us to see you living by a pay check every single cut off of your life. we don't want that to happen to you for the rest of your working career.

Next is, focus on what you really want. We see you work at day and study at night and it amazes us. You are fucking cheesedog with a salsa dressing!  Whew! You really wow us with your determination and persistence, but do keep your eyes focused on the goal, and by goal, I mean the vision you have why you're doing these things.

Do align your small choices and actions to that goal you wake up to thinking everyday. If you really want to be a lawyer someday, then there are luggage that need to be jettisoned in order for your sail to be smooth. Study hard, avoid bad influence friends, those friends who pretentiously hug you and say their "Kamusta?" to you but are never concerned about your whole being . We cannot choose for you, you have to do it your self, some of them only drags you down and makes you take your eyes from your goal for they only care about the happy times you can offer, but never about your DREAMS!

Another is you are a good friend and son to your family. You deserve a love that will  bring out the best in you, and you need to find that perfect love from that ONE person FIRST...And that LOVE is from YOU.

Do not ever think that you are unattractive and ugly just because all of your friends are going out on a date every weekend while you remain to either be at home or their third wheel.

Love is more than that, it's not just about having a pretty face, sizzling physique, and a fat wallet.
Love is something intrinsically you have in you that you offer other people. You should have that love first first before you give that love to  that other person.
Do not expect that you can give an overwhelming love to her, when in the first place, the very example of love you can find (from your self)  is very little.

You cannot give what you do not have, remember? (Oh, my, it's 2016 already and I still have the same mantra about love HAHA LOL).

Maybe the reason why you're still single is  because God deems it right that you are not yet ready, (AT LEAST FOR NOW), to take on bigger challenges in loving another person.

"Learning to love yourself first, is the greatest love of all."--That's according to Whitney, but for me "Loving yourself ENOUGH first, will give you a role model of how a love should be like when you love another person.."

and that's when I think that someone destined for you is ready to come in your life..


My friend,  we are here for you, we love you.


Love Lots,
B

Astral Plane love

Photo source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/286823069989738565/

It’s 9:00 in the morning. She’s on that usual place where she usually consumes her first coffee of the day; sitting on that wooden mono block chair, facing its pair.

She always chooses that table for two;

Mean while, he’s having his usual first stick of cigarette at 9:00 am, sitting on that wooden mono block chair, facing its pair;

He’s always loved having that table for two;

She lights one stick, puffs and blows out smoke;

He waves his hand to his face, changing the direction of the smoke;

She smiles and blows another batch of smoke;

He tilts his body backwards, averting;

She then kills the cigarette and gets her bag sitting on the other empty mono block chair;

He then has his last sip of coffee and gets his coat hanging on the other empty mono block chair;

They’ve always loved doing those routines everyday at 9:00 am, on those tables for two with pairs of empty mono block chairs.

And that’s how they will always be..

Like us, like my love for you.

 An everyday imagination; a pen that never touched the surface of a paper;

 And a beautiful stanza that never matched the soul of the music.

It feels like we’re on the same place, but on different time.

 We do same things, we visit same places at same time;

But our paths never crossed, our feelings never connected, and our love will never happen.