I have a confession to
make. The first time I saw you, I liked you, I liked you very much.
Remember when we both
sat at the back of the tent after our stint on the stage? We chatted a bit of
basic information about each other, and I memorized by heart every word you
answered.
But from then, I
pretended to forget those things I asked you. Hoping that one day, you'll help
me remember those things again.
After our company's big
night, my team and I went to a costy resto somewhere south and availed a drink
and nachos to happily conclude the week. I saw you, you were there too, but
then again, I pretended to not know that you were there, too...
I hated it that I
concluded that first meet up with a “coward-me-to-approach-you attitude.” I
thought to myself “Hey, there could’ve been a lot of different alternative
conclusions to that.”
I thought I was never
and will never be your type.
Then came those days
that I secretly stalked your social media site (uhuh. Since this is an
admission, I now admit stalking you quite a few times). Haha. I have secret
hopes of seeing you whenever I go to the office.
And when those
occasional hopes do happen, I become a scaredy-cat again and like a tiny
soldier, several times, I retreat whenever I shoot a glance at you.
I don’t know if you
noticed it, but if you did, I apologize for making you feel like you caught
some airborne Chlamydia (haha I kid!) while I always avert the presence of you.
It’s my natural response to someone I like so much, I shun away like a kid to
the candy I secretly want to have.
Then another chance of
seeing each other again.. Well, umm, I still thought you got Chlamydia that
time. Haha. No, seriously, I can’t stand being less than a Kilometer radius
near you for too long. I fold down like a child, all the lines I’ve rehearsed
all these times you weren’t around suddenly escape my breath as you come near
me with your smiling eyes.
I did enjoy stealing
secret stares at you while your head's direction was away from me, did enjoy
those pretentious unintentional bumping into you, throwing few smiles at you
every now and then and that’s how I guess we’ll all stay like for now.
That time, I really
wanted to stay late every night to finally get my chance to talk exclusively
to you, to know you, to know your words, your music, you life, your culture,
and your love.. But I know, aside from being a scaredy-cat that I was to you, I
have to pause this intention of mine for a bit to wait for the right time to do
it.
Time and place are not our friends right now, if we pursue it now, we may face tough situations that we may regret looking past on. We may lose each other and the chance to know each other better in the future.
Do not think I never
liked you, for I have always been your silent fan, behind the crowd, cheering
for you, checking you out, smiling at your baby steps and progresses.
But until that time, I
will be a spectator to you, patiently waiting....